Bob - the painting

I took the image of Coates and decided to take away the colours, as the thats the one thing that seems to vanish when you watch someone die. Their skin goes through different processes and every time I saw Brenda, her colour would fade. 

This was also the same with Bob, in three days he had lost about a stone in weight and was very pale.

Sea Mammal No.1 , 2003

Sea Mammal No. 1 by Coates, really strung a cord with me. Coates's imagination from a young child would take him to places, becoming an animal. He would be able to think of an animal and be able to see what it sees, feel its different skin, scales, feathers etc and actually have the feeling of becoming it. Coates uses different materials from shaving foam, to balloons, to immerse himself and let this practice consume him.

This resonates extremely closely to myself and how i feel things. I have been brought to tears and even panic attacks by feeling what others might be feeling. At a young age I would be able to get sleep by pretending a I was a sleeping tiger, visualising the whiskers, ears, paws and the tail, how I would be lying and breathing. I was told it was a way to meditate but I used to then do it when watching birds flying and visualise how tall pavements are if I was an ant. 

When I was caught up on the sad moments with Bob watching Brenda battling for her life I felt the sadness and confusion. Feelings of what will happen next. All the confusing emotions that went along, as if I was Bob and how sometimes just being in that sad moment was a relief from all the other problems that will come up when she finally does pass. 

It felt like Coates's Sea Mammal, these balloons that hold on but will soon pop, the light suffocation that colours your senses and distracts you from the outside world. Fragile but still strong enough to consume you.